My Journey (with breast cancer). Part 2.

Did you miss Part 1? You can read it here.

I am sitting at my desk totally confused. So many thoughts go through my mind. I know there are some survivors. I just didn't know anyone who survived. I had to get out and get some fresh air. It felt like everything was caving in. 

Utah park is my favorite walking place. Not only is it beautiful, with ducks and birds everywhere, it’s also quiet. And, it's 1.1 miles around.

I park my car and start my journey.  After walking around two times I am disappointed. I feel nothing. I start to cry. Now I am a mess. I don't even care. I can't stop crying.  So I keep walking.

Finally, I hear, "Why are you crying?"  

Am I imagining this?

"What? They think I could have cancer."  

"My child, it doesn't matter what they call it, I will always be with you. You will be ok."

Seventeen years later, I hear that voice as if it were a moment ago. I learned to replay that message over and over again. 

When I finally get home, my husband asks where I’d been. I tell him I went to the park and walked.  My husband just stares at me.  He is at a loss for words. I feel his concern - my husband was married before, too. His first wife passed from breast cancer in 1990 and at that point, Fred and I had only been married for six months.  

Wednesday finally comes and I have my ultra sound.  The hospital was very aggressive.  Cancer can be very aggressive.   

I can't remember the next day.  But, I will never forget that Friday.  My husband went with me to the doctor for a biopsy on both breasts.  They wanted quick results.  I am not even paying attention because my mind is elsewhere.  Everything is going too fast. 

"We need to do a lumpectomy on the left breast."  The one with the small lump.  The one my husband was concerned about.  The little small lump. 

So very small
Sometimes no pain at all
Causing so much grief
Giving no relief
They take it out at last
And now it's in my past
They say the problem is cancer
I say God is the answer